So much left to say.....

The last time you sat there -- the last time you sat anywhere
You didn't want to move -- you didn't want to return to that hospital bed

As you sat at the far end of the couch I've never liked at all

Your last clear words echoed forth like a call to arms.....like a haunting
Filling the space between our life I clung to
And
The one I feared crouching like a tsunami on the porch -
Still outside my vision, but already within my heart with its cold, unstoppable grip

"But I have so much left to say," you said while struggling to stand, to take the two steps to the bed
The last two steps of your life

God knows, we both had so much left to say
and
No one could tell us when the last opportunity would be

Your utterance was it

Your announcement of incompleteness
Your desire to keep sharing yourself
Your hope for more words
Your drive to stay alive, to stay engaged with this gift called life

I didn't get it until you were gone

Gone from the couch, gone from the hospital bed, gone from the house
Simply gone

But, the couch I've never liked at all has remained these past four years
Still the ugly color we picked out thinking it really wasn't that color, it must be some other color
Over the years it's been here, it still hasn't become the color I wanted
Sitting here like a memorial in the exact same place
The far end where you sat and where I slept the last week of your life

Grace has allowed me to live in this room without dwelling on all that transpired
within its walls your last ten days
And now
Grace is telling me to invite in
New hope, new vision, new warmth, new joy
Even in this room with the couch I have never liked at all

Completely unexpected
Totally unwarranted
Parched soul and withered heart
Tenderly held
Overwhelmed and grateful.

This room walled with painful memory
Now blessed with tenderness
Restored to life

Your last words echo in a new and fresh way
There really is still so much left to say ---- within this gift of life!

So much left to say!

Amen - let it be so!