When I returned from the store, more things were gone. We were getting ready to move to the seminary for Rod's studies in 1988 and the apartment we were assigned was smaller than the condo we couldn't sell. I'd left him in charge of our pre-move sale, but when I got back I saw that familiar look on his face. "Who bought the twin bed?" I queried. "Oh, you know the kid next door doesn't have a bed so I gave it to his Mom." As the calculator in my head ticked off the amount of money we'd just lost, the faith in my heart was challenged. Here he was, telling me he'd given this away and that away because so and so really needed it. He was only practicing the one thing that had always been part of him: His pastor's heart. I, on the other hand, was trying to protect us, to ensure our safety, to make sure that the plunge into ministry with no guaranteed future would not ruin us. Ha! I sure had a great deal to learn in 1988.
Since then the learning, the teaching, the plunging into limitless boundaries has never stopped. The man I was privileged to call my husband and best-friend for almost 35 years had a heart with no limits. It was always I who called him to account, who questioned the veracity of his ideas and proposals. In the end I know he died with unquestioned faith and joy for all that he was able to do, to give.
And, that's the twist. The living and the giving. Where do the limitless boundaries start? What's kept within and what's kept out? What part of this call to give to our fellow human beings do we accept and what do we ignore? How do we decide? And, how do we mediate the consequences of each decision?
Like I do every morning, I just put Tahoe's warm, freshly dryer tossed towel on his bed for his enjoyment. In the moment it occurred to me that he's more comfortable than all the people burned out of their homes in Paradise, California. He may be more comfortable than the family living in the trailer on our church property.
Limitless boundaries -- I still hear Rod's voice "They really needed it..."
What's mine to do? What's my choice today? How will I sleep with the consequences tonight?
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