Every Fall the non-profit Association of Death Education and Counseling offers an online certification test for professionals working with death, dying, and bereavement. Since 2004 my goal has been to take this test, but each year things like vacation, moving, health concerns, etc., have gotten in the way. But, this year I filled out the application in June, gathered letters of recommendation from colleagues, paid the substantial test fee, and was accepted to take the test. I bought the three big textbooks to study and received the online study guide in August. I figured out how many pages I had to read everyday to meet the deadline and I made sure I didn't have anything else scheduled for November 7, 2009. Then, I started studying and keeping notes online. Then, I stopped studying. What happened?
This certification in Thanatology is something I've wanted for a long time, but I decided not to follow through - at least not this year. I can take the test next year; but, what happened this year? My steam, my drive, my passion for this field of knowledge have all been shelved for awhile. And I know exactly what put them on the shelf.
I've just come through a very challenging period of 24 months where various medical specialists here in Utah had diagnosed me with a chronic and disabling disease. However, within the past few months they concluded that their diagnosis was in error. My sentence of an unpredictable and incurable condition was lifted. Perhaps it had been there and the Lord healed me. Perhaps it was never there. All I know is that it's no longer part of my daily world and hence, my heart and soul need time to heal. A season for enjoyment and thanksgiving is now what the doctor has ordered. Hence, certification tests dealing with death, dying and bereavement couldn't be part of this season.
Instead, I found myself totally engrossed in the baseball playoffs and World Series. Our first choice being the Dodgers, of course, but they didn't get too far. I learned a great deal about pitches on the outside of the plate, fast balls, change-ups, curve balls, sliders, and the finer points of stealing bases. I was perfectly happy to sit for hours watching all of the games. Perfectly happy not to read heavy books and make notes about terrible situations brought about by terrible disease. I was perfectly happy to hold my breath when one team or the other had bases loaded with two outs in the bottom of the ninth with the tying run at the plate. Living in the moment, playing in the moment, and rejoicing in the moment won the past few weeks of my Fall season. Without a doubt, the World Series beat taking the test in a sweep of 4-0!
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