Indeed.
Why do we work ourselves up like this?
Why do we work, strive, carry on in such ways?
Nonetheless, without sound reason we do work ourselves up in conscious and unconscious ways
To hold the past...the raise the dead...to pin down the future...to guarantee eternity.
Yes, we quite believe we can do all these things given the perfect mix of belief, hope, and denial.
We struggle through this work, that career, this relationship, that loneliness and wonder why it's not more clear.
What are we supposed to be doing here anyway?
Is it all a grand theological debate about who will be in and who will be out?
Does it come down to which sins are never forgiven and which ones are barely noticed?
How does the timing of this blessing or that confession determine a human being's standing before God at the moment of death?
Where were all the rules, the regulations, that requirements for the thief on the cross?
There were none because the LORD himself was in charge of that encounter -
Not a human-made congregation of hopeful holiness constricted by boundaries whilst unaware of the greatest Love crowning its outside edges.
"Why are you working yourself up like this?"
Because I/we don't know any other way to live in this world other than inside institutions, inside belief systems, inside our tribe which we hope will protect us when the Almighty really comes calling.
We want to believe
We want to make the rules to make sure we get in and stay in
We want all of our friends and family with us
We want to feel right and good
We want to legislate and dictate how it will be
Because ... wait for it...
At the End God will really need our insights, our rules, our institutions, our theology, and our special help in sorting who's in and who's out.
None of us really want this, but similar to Job we don't have any understanding of Who God Is.
"I admit I once lived by rumors of you,
Now I have it all firsthand - from my own eyes and ears!
I'm sorry -- forgive me.
I'll never do that again I promise!
I'll never again live on crusts of hearsay, crumbs of rumor." (Job 42:5-6)
Save us, LORD, from crusts of hearsay and crumbs of rumor inside our theology.